Crossing your arms? Others may read crossed arms to mean you’re distant, insecure, anxious, defensive, or stubborn, according to Barbara and Allen Pease in ‘The Definitive Book of Body Language’. But crossed arms have their pluses, too! Driver points out that this pose can make someone better at sticking to a difficult task because this act of crossing arms utilizes both your left and right brain, creating a higher cognitive function. In a 2019, former FBI agent Joe Navarro called arm-crossing as a ‘self-soothing’ gesture, meant to comfort you rather than to ‘block’ others. So don’t always assume it’s always going to be a confrontational pose!

The custom of shaking someone’s hand goes as far back as the Ancient Romans. At first, people would hold onto each other’s forearms, and now we reach for just the palm of someone’s hand. But there are important thoughts to consider before going in for the grab! Handshakes are a sign of trust and welcome, according to the Peases, so reaching first means that you believe you’re welcomed by the other person and they are happy to meet you. Imitating a handshake to someone who might not be so welcomed to meet you could result in negative feelings towards you. However, this is the same gesture which can strengthen relationships too.

If you want to show you’re listening to another person through nonverbal communication, make eye contact! But limit it: An overly aggressive eye lock can be read as threatening. “When you give more than 80%, the person you are communicating with will feel uncomfortable,” explains Janine Driver, author of the New York Times bestseller ‘You Can’t Lie to Me’. Give too little (40% or less) and it can be a sign of deceit. Tracking eye movements is also a great way to tell someone is lying. The magic number is 60%, or a little more than a half! Give them the needed eye contact, and then slightly glance away.

If you sit with your legs crossed, ankle over knee, you’re confident and dominant! Known as ‘figure four’ in body language circles, Driver says when you sit in this position you’re opening up your ‘power zone’. It’s a predominantly male movement but Driver says women are beginning to sit like this more and more. Crossing your legs at the ankles while seated is known as ‘ankle lock.’ This body language could mean you’re holding back, uncertain or fearful! And ladies, if you want to appeal to a man, cross your legs at the knees. According to the Peases, men voted this their favorite position for seated women!