Relationships can be difficult; sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. While some people are ready to put in that extra effort to maintain their relationship, others decide it's best to let go. However, one more factor can come into play when people think of separating and that factor is couples counselling. While it can be rather helpful to couples, turns out it may not be great for everyone.
"Couples therapy tends to be the most successful with couples who are committed to staying together, but recognise that they can benefit from a third party helping them," says a clinical psychologist. Here are some signs that will prove that couples counselling is not really for you and your partner.
- You think going to the sessions is the only work you need to put in: If you think this way then you might as well just not go. While a therapist can suggest ways to help make things better, you and your partner need to put in the rest of the efforts. The doctor is only there to guide you.
- You're only going there to vent: "If you're not there to listen to your partner’s point of view, their thoughts, feelings, fears, and concerns, then you may not get into the mindset of finding ways to improve the relationship," said a therapist. You need to be understanding of what your partner wants too.
- Your therapist isn't a good match for you and your partner: It isn't just you or your partner who can be a problem, even your therapist might not be helpful. If you feel like the person you're going to is not a good match for you then go to another therapist.
- You have different agendas: "In my experience couples therapy hasn’t worked when there are different agendas from therapy for each individual," said Kelley Kitley, a therapist. If you're hiding something and being dishonest or if your partner is doing this then there's no point in going to therapy.
While therapy is always an option, make sure that you and your partner are on the same page about things. If not, it's best to just accept the situation and move on. Stay tuned for more updates.